Should have just gone to Dairy Queen

I don't get rattled easily. I have rescued people from burning buildings, had drunks attack me with weapons, done CPR and told people how to do CPR on the phone to loved ones a hundred times, talked complete strangers out of killing themselves over the phone. It takes alot to stress me out. Nothing could have prepared me for what I did last night. I took two pregnant women to dinner and shopping at Babies R Us. It was my idea, what was I thinking. I thought there may be some things that we would have to buy, especially since there were two in there. My neighbor/friend Adam was working last night and his wife Maria is about 3 months more pregnant than Andrea. I thought it would be good to take a tour guide, someone who has already started the process. How hard could it be, carseat, stroller, bed, done. Walking through the door I am greeted by several crying children. Now off to carseats. How can there be this many to chose from. One goes in a stroller, one up to 22 pounds, one that goes past 22 pounds but has to be used backwards for the first 22 pounds, one with multiple bases that make it easier to go from car to car, different colors and patterns, name brands, safety ratings, etc. Oh yea, by the way, you need two. Ok, time to move on, the next stop has to be easier than this, nope. Video monitors, audio monitors, what kind of CIA spy crap is this? Strollers- don't even get me started. Cribs and some thing called a pack and play that I am gonna need a second mortgage for and I still don't know what it does. Oh yea, by the way, you need 2 of everything. At this point I am pretty sure my head is going to spin off my body and then I wandered into what I will call the "hooter aisle". Nipple cream and breast pumps that you can buy or rent and books with pictures that made me blush. Had I somehow walked into a black hole, some worm hole in space, some vortex that had transported me in the blink of an eye 15 miles south to the Adult Mart on McKnight Road? What is this place and why are you allowed in here if you are under 18yrs old? At this point my dad called me on the cell phone. I told him I was at Babies R Us with two pregnant women. He wished me good luck and quickly hung up. It was like he knew this was a bad idea. Ok, it is time to get out of here. I had one more thing to check though. I wanted a book on what to expect with twins. They had a book section at the front of the store with books on everything except for anything dealing with twins. This has been an experience but all I want to do is go home. I am quickly informed by the preggos though that I am taking them for ice cream. Who am I to argue? There are 5 of them and only 1 of me. I am way outnumbered. Off to Dairy Queen.