Homicidal babies

What did we as new parents do wrong? What did we do to anger them so much that they are trying to kill us. I have stood toe to toe with grown men that wanted nothing more than to hurt me and I had no fear in me. I now live in a state of terror from 2 little cute baby girls. It is their goal in life to keep us awake all the time. With the exception of a couple good nights, and by good I mean 3 hours of uninterrupted sleep for us, the last week has been not so good. Riley is the mastermind of the pair. She takes the lead and only sends in Reagan when she needs a break. Their plan as I see it is the absolute annihilation of their parents. Have you ever seen the show Lockup on TV? It is a show about prisons around the country. Every so often the guards do raids of the cells. I think we need to do that in the nursery. Who knows what evil plans they have for us and what weapons they could be hiding under the crib or in the closet. I only have one idea as to what I could have done to anger them. I accidentally tried to drown Reagan last week. We needed more bottles so I went to Babies R Us and bought 6 more bringing our total to 25 in regular rotation. What I didn't realise was that there are different nipples for different ages. There are beginner nipples, slow nipples, fast nipples, etc. What do I know about nipples? I know I have two that serve no purpose other than decorative and Andrea has two that won't stop leaking. Other than that I am no nipple expert. I unknowingly bought the fast nipples and put them in the rotation. The first time I used one of them I thought Reagan must be very hungry because the bottle was emptying faster than normal. Halfway through the bottle Reagan sprayed puke 3 feet across the room. I cleaned her up and Andrea continued feeding with the same bottle and she got it a couple minutes later. My little Reagan could have a career as a fountain at the Bellagio in Vegas. It was an awful impressive puke. Luckily Andrea learned of my mistake while doing a nipple inspection. I apologized to the girls but I think that they are holding a grudge. Reagan and Riley, I am sorry! Please stop trying to kill mommy and daddy.